okay, i really like this girl since i was 13 and now i'm turning 18.

when i was 13, i just liked her but i still have no feelings for her, but when i turned 14 i got into a same class with her. At that time, i started to really like her and i knew that she felt the same way because the way she react when i talked to her. i still remember the day that she told me that she wants a boyfriend for her birthday present and she ask me to wear a bow tie and go to her house on her birthday. i knew that i was the present she wants and i think the bow tie was like a birthday ribbon. eventhough i knew what she wants but i act as i didn't understand at all. i think i'm afraid.

i also text message her every night at that time. one night, i text her and i told her that i like her hair to be short. the next day, she really had cut her hair short and i really shocked but once again i act as i didn't interested. i also didn't talk to her the whole day.i really don't know what i'm doing. i felt like a stupid when i remember it.

at the end of the year we had a class party and she sang a song to me. i really blushed and my friends wanted me to confess to her after that but i didn't. that night, i text her but the way she reply seemed like she has lost interest in me and it's true. i felt really stupid because i have missed a wonderful chance.

when i turned 15, we were not in a same class anymore. that time, when i saw her i will do something really silly like smoking, cursing, fighting and anything that's bad and hoping she will saw what i'm doing. i don't know why i do such a thing in front of a girl that i really like. i think if i do that it will make the girl like me. now i know it's really a stupid thing to attract girls.

i transferred to another school when i was 16 and i haven't seen her since now. but i still asked my friends at my older school about her and no doubt that i really miss her a lot. i also always talk about her with my best friend and i always hope that she still like me. last week, i have made a plan with my friend that i will call her and ask her out to confess to her this week, but yesterday my friend went to a place and he saw her with a boy. my friend went to her and greet her. then, she introduce the boy to my friend and say the boy was his boyfriend. my friend told it to me and seriously i feel very sad until now. i cried.

i think i save this feeling for too long and it is really painful. i planned to still ask her out and tell her about my feelings but i will not expect anything from her.i just want this pain to go away. do u think i should do that? please help me.

ps; *sorry if this is too long but i think u should know my history with this girl. and it also help me to reduce the pain in my heart.thanks