Old Love vs. New Love
Hi,
I've been in a relationship for a year and five months now. I really like/love this person, but I think I may be getting bored.. When we are together everything is great, but when I return home, I just don't miss him as much as I should. I went on holiday, and while I was in another country, I started to feel like I loved him again. But when I came home, it was the same numbness that I had before.
I'm not sure if it's just me, or if I'm falling out of love - I really don't want to hurt his feelings, I do still care about him - but it just doesn't have the same spark.
This is not all. I've recently been talking to my ex, who lives in a different country. He was my first love and I his, but this was three years ago. When I talk to him, I feel as if I still like him, even though I have gone through all the motions of the break-up- it feels as though the connection is still there. I'm wondering if maybe I'm just craving the rush that new love brings, or whether I'm falling again for my ex. I think I love both of them, but I know it's impossible to have it both ways.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to cheat, I don't want to break up, I don't really want to fall for my ex again- I enjoy talking to him, but mostly as a friend- but most of all, I'm thinking of marrying my current boyfriend and I definitely don't want to end up regretting that decision.
I'm on this forum because I think I need a second opinion. Please help?
Try to find the spark again.
I understand how you feel. I was in a four year relationship and I definitely had moments of numbness.
I think marriage would be the same. You'll be living with someone for supposedly the rest of your life. There are bound to be ups and downs.
But perhaps you're worrying too much. This may just be a slump. If you still care about him, that says something. The relationship may not have the same spark because maybe things have become too normal for you.
During my four year relationship, there were many many times when I felt 'out of love' or a 'numbness' but I loved my guy very much, the spark was just gone and we both were working and things got too normal-average. One thing that really help was going on dates again.
My advice would be to 1) Talk to your boyfriend about how you feel - not about the numbness maybe, but how you feel you lost the spark, he may feel the same and 2) Try doing something different to bring that spark back. It might be something as simple as a romantic walk in a park you both haven't been too.
If it doesn't work out, don't feel too guilty. Sometimes you may care or love some one very much, but things may just not work out. For me, it was because of our career differences.
Just remember, there are two people in a relationship. It's important to be able to talk to your guy when things don't seem right.
Hope this helps.