Should I Pursue?
Firstly, well, there's this girl that I really like. I've known of her "existance" because we are in choir for over a year already, end of this year being two years. She is also good friends with my classmate, also a girl whom I am friends with, and so naturally I got to know her a bit.
The thing is that I never had any deeper feelings towards her until just this year, and it came after a few closer interactions. You see, I've never really talked to her previously, especially on the way home, but it seems like just this year, circumstances just allowed us to meet more often. On a few occasions I've taken the bus home with her alone, and we just talked usual stuff, as normal friends would; nothing special.
Then suddenly about a few days after helping her with an important math project, I just couldn't stop thinking of her, my heart was always racing when I saw her, and basically all the signs of a crush.
I read in many places that crushes are like love at first sight, more physical attraction than anything else. But I have known her for quite some time, and this didn't happen until this year; neither was I actively seeking anything, nor was I aware of what it was like to have a crush on someone (it's my first time)
So first question: Is this just an ordinary crush, or is it boardering on something more?
Well, so I decided to find out a bit more about my chances from one of her friends who also is a good friend of mine, and she is not taken (yay!), and I decided to tell her about my feelings for her about a month later, when we were again, alone on the way back from school.
I could tell that she didn't expect that from me, but she didn't seem in shock, at least I hope, and said that she'd "just wanna be normal friends" and "if it happened with close friends she wouldn't mind it progressing gradually". I actually didn't suggest a relationship, but that I had feelings for her and would like to do more stuff with her more often.
The current situation in school is that we're all preparing for our high school graduating exams (the IB) and have two prelims before that, so the atmosphere is mainly focused on academics. I'm telling all this so that the situation can be assessed better because my question is:
How do I interpret this? Is it a chance? Is it a rejection? Is it more of postponement? or what?
(sorry to have it so long. I just want to make as many things clear as possible so others can help me assess the situation)
It sounds like a rejection to me
To answer your first question, it sounds like an ordinary crush. There are two types of crushes- the "love at first sight" type, and the "crush on a friend" type. Yours sounds like a textbook example of the latter.
But, there's nothing wrong with that. Some crushes blossom into love, and usually you have a crush first before you have love. Others may not, but there's nothing wrong with having a crush.
For your second question, it sounds a lot like a rejection to me. "I just want to be friends in a normal way" is a fairly common way of (nicely) saying that she doesn't want to date.
But, she did say she wouldn't mind it happening gradually, didn't she? Unfortunately, girls often say something confusing like this after otherwise clearly rejecting an offer. This could mean two things.
1. She was rejecting you, but she felt it was too harsh, so she mistakenly said something nice that gave you hope.
2. She actually means it.
I can't tell you which case it is in your situation, of course. You'll have to figure that out for yourself.
If you can't make heads or tails of it, I'd just bring it up again. Tell her you'd like a yes or no, clearly, since you are confused, and you can't deal with your feelings until you know one way or the other.
Sorry for the late response.
Cheers,
Jude
I'll probably ask again
Thank you so much for your reply.
I guess I'll try to find a good moment to ask again. We're right now in the middle of exams, and we're also gearing up for the international one in Nov, so there's alot of academic stress going round. Do you think this would affect my chances?
Everything affects your
Everything affects your chances. But if you always wait for a better moment, it will never come. The longer you wait, the more this will stress you. So it's better to confess and clear your own mind.
Regards,
Jude