Girl I like has boyfriend... should I confess?
Okay here is the deal... I've become real close friends with this girl in the 2nd semester of my grade 11 school year. In the 1st semester I just occasionally asked her for some homework help, and she sometimes did the same back. One day she said she was going to the library and ask me to come. So I came and then it somehow became a daily thing. We would meet every weekday at the library afterschool to study together if both of us did not have anything planned. Right from the start, she was just a classmate, but before I knew it, i started to hold feelings for her. Then we were talking, and I found out she had a boyfriend; she just mentioned it while we were talking. When I heard this, I felt really sad.
She told me she is in a long distance relationship with him, we are in Canada, and he is in Taiwan. Everyday she counts to day until she gets to see him again, it seems like she's going back to Taiwan for the whoel summer vacation. She'll get to see him, I don't know if they will get intimate or not... she's 17, I am 17, her boyfriend is 19/20. Anyways I asked numerous people about this... and they told me either to stop, or wait it out. They said that long distance relationships barely work out... and even though this sounds so selfish and mean of me, I wanted them to break up... I feel bad.
People told me not to make any advancing moves on her because that would disrespect her boyfriend, and so, I don't make any. But I hang out with her everyday, and it hurts to know that I can't tell her my feelings because she has a boyfriend. I read a book and saw this quote,
She says, “If I were to withdraw immediately after finding out he had was someone else… then I shouldn’t have fallen in love to begin with. Your own feelings are all that matter in the end! I don’t think giving up is the right way to end a love affair… who I choose to love is my own choice!”
I just don't know what to do... this waiting out thing just hurts. People have said to find someone else, but I just can't do that, because I am not the type to let things dear to my heart leave easily. I cling on to it, hoping for any light of hope.
Should I tell her how I feel? I am scared I may never get to hang out with her again normally if I do so. Or should I stop hanging out with her... but if I do that I will be filled with regret...
It seems like the only way to solve this is telling her how I feel. But it's impossible... she has a boyfriend already across the world. I am scared she won't want to hang out with me anymore, and that my fun high school days will turn back to the normal boring ones where I just went home everyday...
I want to be with her... but she has a boyfriend. Life seems cruel to me. Last year, there was this girl I liked as well, but she moved, and I never got to tell her how I feel. We were very close friends. I felt so much regret that summer and 1st semester of school, it took me a while to get over. But why is this happening again? I didn't know she had a boyfriend, then out of nowhere she has one... I feel like crying all night.
Can anyone help me or guide me what to do?
I really feel for you
I really feel for you. It's one of the suckiest positions to be in. I've seen this with a few of my friends and I'm sorry to say that your suffering isn't going to get easier.
I agree with the others, doing nothing is better right now. Imagine your doing something on the computer and you make a mistake that messes up the rest of your work. Now imagine you don't have the undo button. That's kinda how I imagine the situation if you confessed right now.
Maybe she's hoping their relationship will be as it was before (I'm assuming alot here, sorry) and they can pick up where they left off. It may happen, it may not. Expect some changes in her when she returns. Be a friend to her. Be there if she needs you and even when she doesn't. That's all you can really do.
As for your current feelings of hopelessness, try and find something constructive to do with it. Maybe while she's gone you could pick up a new skill and when she comes home you can dazzle her with it.
Time is a cruel to the heart, but I know you can be strong. Just hold out for that light at the end of the tunnel.
If she has a boyfriend...
I think what other people have told you- that you ought not to make a move on her, since she has a boyfriend- is good advice.
Are you wondering how she feels about you? She already has a boyfriend. She has told you how much she wants to see him this summer. In other words, cruel as it may be, she is not interested in you.
You could tell her how you feel. But, you know she isn't interested in you. So what would that accomplish?
Did she just start dating this boyfriend? From your post, it doesn't sound like it. In that case, the ties between her and him are probably great- moreso perhaps because of the distance- so it's unlikely you would be successful even if you tried to break them up.
But if she's really your friend, you wouldn't try to get her to break up with her boyfriend for your own selfish reasons, would you? If she hated her current boyfriend, and he was abusing her, that would be different, but if they love each other, why would you try to step in?
I know it's bad luck for you, but life doesn't always proceed smoothly.
Regards,
Jude
Yeah I am in the same
Yeah I am in the same situation except the boyfriend is not across the other side of the world, he is right here.
I hear that he treats her like shit and she gets annoyed with him but is either scared or doesn't want to leave him.
I like her soo much and have for the past year and every time i'm with her, it is great and when i'm not with her, i'm thinking about her and when I can see her next
I have not felt like this before with any other girl! I am very close with her and we always talk and hang out, and I have heard things from friends that she used to have feelings for me but didn't want to ruin the friendship but now I really wish she had of said something!!! :(
Just under a year later and she knows that I like her but won't talk about it and when she mentions the topic of who I like, its almost like she tries to squeeze it out of me, but I don't want to as she is still in a relationship and I want to respect that...
I don't usually let my fe eling control the way I live cause I am an outgoing person and hate feeling down but I don't know anymore:(
Well, in your case I'd make
Well, in your case I'd make an exception, and tell her how you feel. At the same time, also tell her that you waited so long because you wanted to respect that she had a boyfriend, but you can't take it anymore.
She may think she isn't good enough for you, and she may just need to hear it directly from you. In that case, it'd be a shame to have her waiting on you, and you waiting on her.
Regards,
Jude
Thanks for the advice I
Thanks for the advice
I talked to one of my mates (girl) about if I should talk to her and she agreed I should, and the nextday she has gone and told everyone about it -.-
But now something has come up with school and I may no longer be able to go to the school formal with her :( so i'm thinking just f*** the whole thing now.... My luck lately has been terrible!
As if she would want to hear me bitch about my feelings to her with a boyfriend even if they are really strong and she might have feelings for me...
Thanks for everything but I think i'm just going to let this amazing girl go...